Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Random writings not posted...until now

“I love Jesus”
For my online banking, when I sign in there are a series of security measures, one of which is a statement I chose to enter. It is “I love Jesus.” It is an important reminder to me, every time I look at how much money is in my personal account.
1. Not my money
2. Jesus is taking care of me
3. No need to worry
4. “Because He first loved me”

Sweet – stolen time at KMBC with people that I love. Should not be able to come home again, but I have had a little glimpse. 3 years at KMBC, people I came in with are still here. Never another time I would be able to come back and experience this again. What a blessing. Hard to leave. Gift really. So many of the things I love about KMBC – the people. Inside and outside at the same time.

Relationships are hard. Maybe that is why I am not married or even dating for that matter. It is hard to just be friends, aquaintences, associates, people are just difficult. It really is about balance and juggling. I think about living my whole life in a small town and knowing everyone. I think about my grandma who moved to Marion after she got married. In middle school, she would meet one of my friends and ask their parents or grandparents name because somehow, she had a connection to them. Maybe because I have spent the last 3 years on a small Bible College campus, I like the dynamic that everyone knows everyone.
I think if it were possible, I would really like to know everyone. I know it is inpractical and unrealistic. But, I struggle in sharing myself with people and getting to know them. So many relationships are so temporary, lives that just intersect for a few minutes – I want more. Lives that intersect for years – I want more there too. People not just at home in my town, but in different States and different countries. And it is hard. It hurts. Knowing people and loving people is a wonderful thing, but it costs something.

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