Thursday, March 1, 2007

Ejournal 2 September 2006

I have been praying about coming to Ukraine for almost 2 years and I was so excited when God confirmed His call for me to serve in Ukraine. As I prepared to come, and details started to fall into place, again and again I received confirmation that this is the plan the Lord has for me. However, as things came down to the wire and it was time to pack and leave, I realized just how much would be involved in saying good-bye to those I love and all the things I am familiar with to travel to Ukraine and answer God’s Call.

I kept trying to delay saying goodbye. Some wonderful friends decided that they would have a going away party for me and I thought I would be able to “save” all of my goodbyes until then. I felt so loved not just by those who came to my party, but also by those who made a special point of seeking me out during my last weeks at home to say good bye, they love me, and will pray for me. As I was preparing to leave, I was reminded of many different events and occasions that I will be missing; births, weddings, holidays, graduations. Those reminding me were sad that I would not be able to be a part of those special days with them; that too was difficult. Packing was more than I could have ever planned. I had a two bedroom apartment full of things. They were things I liked, things I had worked hard to purchase, and gifts that had been given to me. It was remarkably difficult to decide what to bring and what to store and what to give away or sell. In the end, I had to surrender part of the process to others, because all that I thought I should bring would not fit into the two 50-pound suitcases the airport would allow me to bring.

During the time of my goodbyes and packing, I kept asking the Lord for help. It was so much harder than I thought it would be and I didn’t want others to be hurt that I was leaving. Two things I have really been clinging to during this time are Proverbs 3-5:6 and the song “Hold on to Jesus” by Steven Curtis Chapman.

Proverbs says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your path”. This has been a reminder over and over that it really isn’t about my plans, it is about knowing that God is God and He is going to lead me during this time that I am feeling a little alone and lost. The song by Steven Curtis Chapman says “I will hold loosely to things that are fleeting and hold on to Jesus for life”; over and over God has used that to challenge me. In the end, what is going to matter: how close I live to my family and friends, whose birthday parties I attend, what knickknacks I have on my table, or perhaps, did I seek the Lord’s will even when things were difficult.

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